Hi, I’m Noelle and I’m a perfectionist. Not the daily planner, weekly fridge restock, relabelling my spices type of perfectionist. Although, I do LIVE for each of those things. I’m the “hold myself to unrealistically high standards and close off when those standards aren’t met” perfectionist.
Recently, I’ve come to an important revelation following a sermon all about imperfection and personal weakness. In a message from my pastor, he discussed how God’s strength is made perfect in weakness. I, like most people, have always understood that flaws (for whatever reason) are perceived as being abnormal and need correction. Simply put, if a pimple pops up on my forehead I’ve been conditioned to immediately correct the issue despite it being a natural response to toxins.
A character flaw of mine in the realm of striving for perfection is whenever I meet new people I feel I have to say the right things and mesh perfectly with strangers. This typically leads me to be more quiet than usual because I’m aiming to not say something offensive or outlandish.
This unrealistic aspiration then leads to my guards going up. This leads me to get angry with myself which makes me never want to leave my couch again. By this point, I’ve found myself back in a cycle where I’m aiming for something that was literally unattainable in the first place and now I have an attitude. That’s absolutely a weakness of mine.
What I learned from the sermon mentioned above is:
We’re flawed by design.
It’s in God’s nature to work in a place of lack. So, if we’re down here doing all of the work and making things happen on our own, what is left for God? This message truly slapped me in my bottom lip when my pastor brought up this point.
One of my strong suits is making things happen. I pride myself on planning my life out with all the steps to success outlined in between. But, recently I’ve STRUGGLED with my home buying goal. I’ve built my credit, saved my coins, worked hard, done the research, and yet there are days when I cannot fathom how we’ll be able to purchase in Los Angeles. Home prices are astronomical and there are no signs of it slowing down. There’s also no discount code or Labor Day sales on mortgages. So, oftentimes I’ll be extremely discouraged without knowing how I’ll get from point A to point B.
Sometimes we are waiting for the perfect set of circumstances before we move.
Now this, my friends was a WORD! I’m not a big risk-taker. I like to have my ducks in a single file line before I step out on any type of limb. But what was so tenderly placed on my heart the other day was that this is the perfect opportunity for God to truly show out in my life. There’s value in being patient, obedient, and steadfast but imagine how many lives can be changed from my “made a way out of no way” testimony.
We would have enough material for a Terry McMillian novel if I tried to list out all of the fears stopping me from moving forward. But what I’m stepping into is the ability to progress when I’m scared even if its not perfect.
At the end of the day, my lack and weaknesses will be evidence of God’s power.